Sunday, March 28, 2010

Mad Spaghetti Strikes Back

Earlier today I was on a mission. I was going to rid the CrazyMobile of the dog smell. Don't laugh... it was a noble cause indeedy. I thought to myself, "If I have to drive the boss around THIS week he's in for a huge surprise!" and boy is he ever.

I drug the crate pads out of the crates, put the extra crates back in the house (I'd had two extra in the back of the bus since I had Ghilly and Mac last week). Oh, and did I mention I have a new member of the Crazy Pack? Moon is now a permanent Crazy. She apparently decided that for herself, so now she's with me permanently. It's good though - she fits in well, and is appropriately submissive to Ginger.

Anyway, as I was saying I pulled out crate pads, tossed out any trash, and then drug the vacuum cleaner outside. I vacuumed the floors, and vacuumed out all of the crates. I usually do this on a reasonably regular basis (if you call 3x a year regular) and hadn't done it lately. I then sprayed all six crates out with apple cider vinegar. The vinegar acts as a cleaner, and also neutralizes odors. Oh yeah, I was armed and packin'! I was gonna wash that dog right out of my van (sung off key, of course).

What I didn't count on is the staggering vinegar smell every time I open the van door. I tried in vain to leave the van open to air out, but even with that when I get in there now the vinegar smell literally gags me. I'm not sure if the van still smells like dogs (I don't notice a dog smell) but it sure as heck smells like ACV. My guess? My guess would be that it smells like vinegar... and dogs.

I think I'm definitely losing here.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Mad Spaghetti Goes Corporate

My new job is very much a big corporate sort of place, with a tiny hint of small corporate thrown in for good measure.  My new boss is a very nice person - with a very nice car.  This week he called me after I'd already gotten to work, and he wanted me to come pick him up.  He'd dropped off his very nice car for maintenance, and wanted me to come get him... in the dog car.  In case you missed it, let me say it again:  My boss had dropped off his very nice car and wanted me to come pick him up.  In the dog car.  Please bear in mind that at this particular junction he didn't necessarily understand the ramifications of a ride in the dog car, and to my knowledge was unaware that I drove the dog car.
So there I was at 9:30 in the morning fresh off of a weekend of dog working and dog walking, and the dogs had taken quite a few swims in the creeks, and I've not washed dog bedding or vacuumed out crates recently.  I just started my third week of work here, and up to this point I've parked the dog car in the veeeeeerrrrrry back of the parking lot, thinking maybe nobody would notice me rambling up to work in a minivan full of dog crates every morning, where I get out and put on my suit coat to take the walk of shame into the building.
I digress.  I ran out to the van where I vigorously tried to de-doghair the passenger seat with a lint roller.  I then rolled the windows all the way down, and proceeded to drive all the way to the car place with the wind beating me to death.  This, I suspect, was a vain attempt at airing out the CrazyMobile.  I also placed the bounce sheet infused lint roller next to the passenger seat thinking to maybe perfume the air of eau de bounce as opposed to eau de dog.  Ok, so it was a good thought.
I somehow managed to get lost on the way to pick him up, so had to call him for help.  When I rambled up he was standing on the side of the road... waiting in his suit and tie.  I proceeded to apologize for the dog car, and he did try desperately to save me by saying, "I have a dog!".  Unfortunately he made the grave mistake of asking how many dogs I had.  This started a ramble-fest about how many dogs, what do we do, which segued into a ramble about sheep, factory farming, and butchers.  Yes, I talked about butchering sheep to my new boss.  All of this took place over the span of two blocks where I also managed to try to turn the wrong way down a one way street and cut across three lanes of traffic trying to recover.
I babbled incessantly (and yes, I could hear myself but seemed to be powerless to put a cork in it) and risked our lives all the way back to the office.  I dropped him off at the door and then parked the van back in it's unobtrusive spot.  I'm not sure why I bothered as obviously the gig is now up.  Oh, and it gets worse.  At one point, during the babble-fest and life and limb escapade, I blurted out, "I used to have a nice SUV but I gave it to my ex-husband so I could buy THIS!".  Oh yeah baby, I'm just that good under pressure.
It took me seven hours to stop sweating.  To make matters worse two days later he asked me to take him back to pick up his car.  I guess maybe he wasn't as freaked out as I would have expected.  Or more likely I was just the last person on earth available.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I Can Haz a Job!

Well, the blessedly short period of unemployment has ended. I start a new job on Monday! And what does the picture have to do with any of this? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I just think it's funny, and we could all use a giggle. There's just something about those big ole bat ears and silly expressions on the Noodlehead's face that cracks me up. Besides, I'm pretty excited about starting on this new adventure. I hope this means that the season of extreme sacrifice is coming to a close - or at least a recession. My thermostat is now on 68. This is good.

Why do I need a job? Lots of reasons. I need to pay the bills, I need to sell my house and buy a farm and sheep and stuff, and I need to find something else to do... something other than watch reality TV shows.

This is what unemployment does to a person. Time becomes all weird and relative, and Reality TV is like some sort of warped lifeline. Yesterday I watched something like eight straight hours of "Millionaire Matchmaker". The day before I watched "America's Next Top Model". It was a marathon - an entire season of episodes, and you guessed it - I watched them all. Go cute Danielle with the tiny gap teeth! I lurves her. Oh, and lets not forget that "Tabitha Coffey's Salon Makeover" and "Shear Genius" are my new friends. "Chopped" is the bomb. These shows are all in addition to my usual ones, like "American Idol".

I need a job or my life will just waste away into a Reality TV sort of puddle of mush. The once quick as a whip mind will leave me and I'll be reduced to grunting, smoking, and living in a trailer park somewhere with my gazillion dogs and a guinea pig hidden in the walls.

YAY work!