Saturday, December 18, 2010

Small Dog Goes for a WalkAbout

This is what happened one day at Robin's when the Small Dog went on a walkabout...

No dogs or sheep were harmed in the filming of this video.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Online Dating Decoded

He writes: "I don't normally ask this so soon, but can we meet..."
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "Family is the most important thing in my life."
He means: "I live with my mother."

He writes: "Hi, my name is ____ and I'd like to meet you."
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "I've not had good luck so far with drawn out emails, so I like to move things along quickly. I think we should meet to see if we mesh."
He means: "So far I'm a total loser, and I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "I love to travel and am looking for that special person to do it with."
He means: "I'd like for you to pay for it."

He writes: "I am known for having a great sense of humor."
He means: "My mother is the only one who laughs at my jokes."

He writes: "I really like your profile and want to get to know you better. Here's my phone number - call me!"
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

Added by KPR:

He writes: "I work nights, so I'm available during the day"
He means: "I'm unemployed ... and married."

He writes: "I'm semi-retired, and my mother is sick, so I sold my house and moved in with her so I can take care of her,"
He means: "I don't have a job and I am a pathetic loser and am mooching off my mother now, but I came up with this great story to fool you with and it's working perfectly."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Casual Eavesdropper? I think NOT.

I'm standing in the kitchen at work, and I hear, "Blah blah blah I live in Level Cross blah blah blah FARM SITTER blah blah blah CHICKENS blah blah blah".

Farm Sitter? Level Cross? I pipe up, "So I have a friend near you guys that I used to farm sit for - how long does it take you to get to work? Come to think of it, my friend might could use a new farm-sitter since it's too far for me now."

He replied, "Oh, about 30 minutes, but you should tack on another 20 from your friend's place. What does she have?" I replied, "Sheep and Border Collies."

So I tune back out of the conversation, and go on about the business of washing the tea cup (the one that belongs to my boss). Did I ever mention that when I walk through the halls carrying his teacup that I hear the "Imperial Death March" in my head? I do. I even breathe a little bit like Darth Vader. Or a sleestak. Or Darth Vader eating a sleestak. Or maybe a sleestak eating Darth Vader. Whatever, but I hear the song.

I digress.

I'm tuned out again, until I hear, "Oh, but really, horses, cows and sheep are really just all the same".


Here's where I begin to run amok. Afoul of the culture. In it with both feet. I pipe in (remember, I'm not really part of this conversation) "Oh but really sheep, cows and horses are not the same at ALL!"

I then proceeded to run my yak about how sheep can be a bit more inclined to fall over dead on you, and farm sitting border collies can take a special touch and so on. Oh yeah, I really know how to make friends around here. I'm not sure if the looks on their faces were looks of horror or glazed over boredom, but I sure did manage to clear out the break room in record speed. Hey, they should be grateful I didn't move on to butchering and having sheep in one's freezer. They're lucky I didn't get into a long diatribe about horses not being able to throw up, and colic, and all sorts of things. That would have taught them to think twice about allowing me to actively eavesdrop on them! So there.