Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Online Dating Decoded

He writes: "I don't normally ask this so soon, but can we meet..."
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "Family is the most important thing in my life."
He means: "I live with my mother."

He writes: "Hi, my name is ____ and I'd like to meet you."
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "I've not had good luck so far with drawn out emails, so I like to move things along quickly. I think we should meet to see if we mesh."
He means: "So far I'm a total loser, and I'd like to get laid."

He writes: "I love to travel and am looking for that special person to do it with."
He means: "I'd like for you to pay for it."

He writes: "I am known for having a great sense of humor."
He means: "My mother is the only one who laughs at my jokes."

He writes: "I really like your profile and want to get to know you better. Here's my phone number - call me!"
He means: "I'd like to get laid."

Added by KPR:

He writes: "I work nights, so I'm available during the day"
He means: "I'm unemployed ... and married."

He writes: "I'm semi-retired, and my mother is sick, so I sold my house and moved in with her so I can take care of her,"
He means: "I don't have a job and I am a pathetic loser and am mooching off my mother now, but I came up with this great story to fool you with and it's working perfectly."

9 comments:

Carolyn West said...

Yep, that's about right. Having some luck are you?

KPR said...

Too funny! How about, "I work nights, so I'm available during the day" = "I'm unemployed ... and married."

Laura Carson said...

OMG, Jodi, that's SO right (and really funny). Can I edit and add this? In fact, if anyone posts any I'll add it to the list.

KPR said...

Of course!

KPR said...

"I'm semi-retired, and my mother is sick, so I sold my house and moved in with her so I can take care of her," is really ... "I don't have a job and I am a pathetic loser and am mooching off my mother now, but I came up with this great story to fool you with and it's working perfectly."

KPR said...

He writes: #4. Subject: (Sex) I have never cheated in a relationship and I have no desire for other women when I'm involved with someone either. However, I have to admit that it turns me on when my lady wants me all to herself and is too jealous to share me with anyone else but she would have no problem getting it on with another guy! Don't worry, This is not my number one priority and I wouldn't want it to be the focal point of the relationship, but let's just say that whoever pulls on my heart strings will get to have her cake and eat it too! The key is communication and trust.

He means: "I'm so desperate, I'll take anything I can get."

Loretta Mueller said...

OMG I am dying here! LMAO!

Wow...

MTWaggin said...

Been there done that and every one of those is TRUE! :) Thanks for the reminder.

Paula said...

LOL! Oy vey.