Saturday, December 10, 2011


Food Poisoning?


'Nuff said.

No. Not enough said. I'm getting ready to cross the line here, but it's my blog and I can do that if I want to.

First of all, my teeth are diametrically opposed to contact with ANY testicles. I'm sorry. Ain't happenin. After Nick and Linc were both neutered they wound up with floppy scrotum (spellcheck tells me that the plural of scrotum is scrotum. I think it's lying, but whatever). I had to inspect them as they healed, so I'm familiar. Even without the jewels I still can't even imagine a scrotum and tooth train wreck. Ew. Sorry to the men in the world, but I am pretty sure that women's idea of fantasy does not involve scrotum, or testicles. Ever.

Now combine scrotum/testicles/teeth and (gack I'm getting queasy just writing this) livestock? OMG no. Please say it ain't so. If it took castrating a lamb with my teeth to prove my toughness then I guess I'd just have to be considered a pansyazz. If a lamb's scrotum were the last thing standing between me and the buffet at the Golden Corral... well I'd just go hungry.

Yeah, they're slippery. The lambs suck em back up when you try to grab em. Frankly I suck at trying to band lambs. But I'm still not putting my mouth "down there".

I mean really. Dudes. You stuck your mouth near a lamb's butthole. You put genitalia in your mouth. What did you really expect?

Um... and I hope you are feeling better, cuz bacterial stomach bug stuff ain't no joke.

PS - calling it "food poisoning" bug was very polite.


Mr. Apple said...

I can hear Jeff Foxworthy now, "if you have ever castrated an animal using nothing but your teeth then you might be a redneck." Actually, I believe this goes way beyond being a redneck because if you have ever castrated an animal using nothing but your teeth then you might be certifiably insane!!

I have castrated a few calves and lambs via bans but never once did I think to myself, "This would be a whole lot easier if I just used my teeth"!!

Oh and since I am a guy, if I am ever in Wyoming I believe that I will wear a protective cup just in case I run into one of those guys. Better safe than sorry.:)

Joan said...

I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but I think that way of castrating used to be common. I know when I went to Cal Poly University in CA I took a swine class and was told about the castrating with teeth. I know it was probably just a joke, but I was also told, very seriously that we would have to do that ourselves in the class. I think it is done with the teeth because it kinda clamps the cords shut and seals them, whereas a knife cut might be too clean and cause excessive bleeding. Maybe kinda like natural cauterizing? But I agree with you Laura...very yucky. And that is the professional term for it I think.

Karissa said...

I almost threw up watching that Dirty Jobs clip. I cannot believe that Mike Rowe actually did that. OMG.

Is that really how those poor things are treated? Nuts ripped out, tail chopped off and ear cut all at once? Obviously I have no lambing experience.

That said, they seemed pretty unaffected by the whole ordeal. But it was still hard to watch!

Laura Carson said...

Karissa, I guess it depends. Around here (east coast) farms are smaller and most shepherds that *I* know usually band tails and testicles. No teeth involved.

That being said I'm sure the teeth method reduces bleeding and so on. However, I'm so freaked out by the idea that I think I'll stick to banding.

If I dig deep and think about it, if I were out in the desert and came upon a lamb that absolutely needed castrating at that exact moment and I had no equipment I'm still pretty sure I couldn't do it. I'm just not that hard core.

Robin French said...

It's funny reading some of the comments on this on other pages, talking about animal cruelty, etc. It's not cruel at all. It's not pain free but it's not cruel. I actually saw a comment somewhere screaming about how the lambs should have anesthesia!

Anyway, it's an old-timey way of castrating and is probably more common than you'd think. Banding is neater and cleaner and mentally easier for us, but actual castration is probably healthier and less risky for the lambs, not to mention more effective. I know how to do a "surgical" castration on lambs, and have done it before. You cut off a bit of the end of the scrotum, and then pull on the balls until the cord frays and tears. That fraying and tearing helps to stop what little bleeding there is. A clean cut with a knife would bleed more. The lambs feel it for a few seconds, but nothing like the pain from a band. As for using the teeth, i've heard of doing it that way for the sake of getting a grip - they're slippery - and i'm sure that's probably true if you have to do many in a row. Cant' say i've ever used my teeth, or intend to!

Anyway, probably way more than anyone wanted to know, but i thought i'd throw out my 2 cents worth.

Laura Carson said...

See, now, the knife thing makes sense to me. I don't have a hang up with that. My only real problem is the face where it shouldn't be and germ issue. ;)

The reasoning behind it makes sense to me. It's just the delivery that needs a tweak. Maybe nut cruncher mouth guards?

Robin French said...

It's pretty disgusting, isn't it?!