Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Departure from the Norm

I've finally sworn off Internet dating sites (well, at least until the next time I get bored on a Saturday night). Good for me. But I've not yet completely sworn off dating totally. Anyway, I happened to run into someone a week or two ago that I knew when I was a kid (only vaguely though). After running into each other we sent a few facebook messages back and forth.

Then he asked me out for Saturday night. Normal stuff... dinner and a movie. YAY me! I said yes, and was really looking forward to it.

We tossed around a couple more mundane messages when the conversation went really far south. It went a little like this:

Him: Beard or no beard?

Me: I don't really care. I totally dig facial hair on men, but it's a matter of what makes you happy. I was distracted the other day and didn't notice if you had facial hair or not. So go with what makes you comfortable.

Him: I'm curious... just how freaky are you?

To this I thought, Ok, maybe I'm not understanding the question. If you know me you know that I'm not always the quickest on the uptake when it comes to lewd suggestions. Some things just fly right over my head. So I figured I would shut this thing down nicely but try not to completely run him off. I'm walking a line here on this one.

Me: Telling you would take all the fun out of finding out.

See? A little flirty, but dodging and not wanting to go there. In retrospect I should have just gone ahead and delivered the People's Elbow right then. But ya know, I was trying to somewhat preserve this rapidly deteriorating situation. I was hoping that he wasn't trying to go there. That I'd misunderstood.

Him: I like your attitude. Ever been in a threesome?

Yep. He's trying to go there. I wasn't misinterpreting. Apparently my response wasn't the correct one to convey my intent. No more nice girl. No hinting, no dodging - clearly it was time to lay it out there. Liking my attitude wasn't exactly the message I was trying to convey, so I figured I'd better get pretty blunt.

Me: Ok, so clearly I'm not freaky enough to be having this sort of conversation with you this soon.

Him: I'm horny. What are you wearing?


He then proceeded to give me his cell number so that I could text him because it would be faster and "more responsive". Uh... sorry dude. I've had enough response from you.

Me: I think we're on totally different wavelengths here. I'm going to have to pass on the Saturday night thing. But take care!


I mean, really?!? How do we go from mundane to this? Do people really get this personal so quickly these days? He's not the first guy I've had to fend off with this whole "sexting" thing since my divorce. It's really too bad - the guy is really nice looking and seems to have his life in order.

I'm really REALLY mad at him for screwing up my first date with him. Now it's a no date. Poo.

Julie asked me, "Where do you find these people?"

I have no idea.


Jaenne' said...

Sorry to hear that the guy blew it before your first date! It sounds like you really do need to give me your address so I can send you a relief package! :-)

Knotty Dogs said...

Relief package???? That almost sounds kinky in and of itself.

Laura, I feel your pain! Your posting made me laugh because it was all too familiar. It seriously makes me wonder if there are women out there who get off on this type of guy.

Laura Carson said...

Now I think he has blocked me on facebook. You know, as if *I* am the freak.

Karissa said...

I hope he blocked you because he's embarrassed. Or maybe he's just a creep. Be glad the truth came out before you were stuck somewhere alone with him.

Being single can suck at times, but dating sucks more. I love my dogs!

Laura Carson said...

Karissa, you're so totally right! Much better to find this stuff out NOW rather than have to be fending him off on a date. :)

Being married was infinitely less sucky than dating. Well, you know, until the part that my marriage started sucking pretty bad. Even then it might have actually sucked less in many ways than dating.

Wow. I don't think that even makes sense.

Loretta Mueller said...

Ok that is just really damn creepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jaenne' said...

Yeah...after I wrote "relief package" I realized it probably wasn't the best choice of words, lol...

Laura Carson said...

Relief package. Bwahahahahahaha

Oh, and by the way... he definately blocked me on FB. wtf??? As if.

Robin French said...


Laura Carson said...

I know, right? So after this whole exchange I even texted the most pervy people I knew and asked if "beard" was some sort of slang, but apparently not. So at least the conversation started out normal.

Robin French said...

Oh it's got to be code for something, gotta be!

Kristi said...

OMG, I'm sorry it ruined your date, but Laura, I'm laughing so hard, my nose is making very yucky noises.

BCxFour said...

Every time I get really pissed at my husband and want to beat him with the broom all I have to do is I think back to my first days of internet dating. I never could wrap my brain around how the hell you are supposed to type know... a'hem, you get the drift. Srsly? WTF? The logistics of it are just, gross. Oh yeah, I am gonna get off in my computer chair typing with one hand to some freaky weird ass fruitcake. Oh baby, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.... doesn't that make you hot? I am so hot I want to hurl, wait, I think I just vomited a little in my mouth...*gag*

Dont give it a minute of thought that the mo-fo blocked you on FB. Men are such tools, that is the way they think, if you are not 'useful' to them in the way they want, poof they take back the power and reject you. Dont give him any power and let it bother you, you are WAY better than that.

Laura Carson said...

You're right Carolynn. On the upside I acted true to myself and didn't compromise myself - so I have nothing to feel bad about.

It *is* pretty freaking hysterical. I really don't know how these things happen to me. lol

Kelly said...

bwaaahahaaaa I don't know how I missed this one yesterday....but JP asked you how you find these people? LMAO I have had people I just met send me lewd pics....yeah they went there. And yes they got pissed at me for not returning the favor...

Laura Carson said...

Why yes, yes she did! LOL! What's even worse is that Pam informed me that she was thinking the same thing but hadn't figured out how to ask that. haha

Mara said...

Oh my word! Such creepiness, such audacity.

My SIL keeps encouraging me to get on eHarmony. And she is pretty convincing. But then stories like this come along and I'm reminded how safe it is to stick to dogs... Ack!!

Paula said...

Ok, first of all, I have to remember to check your blog more often, I can't believe I missed this. And second of all, EWWWWWWWWW. Gah-ross. Blech! If that's what dating is like, I'm so thankful I'm not out there.

I'm thinking you dodged a bullet here, Laura.

Rachel said...

WTH...seriously what are people thinking??? For what it matters, it made me really giggle though!

Anonymous said...

My goodness!! Where have all the good men gone to? And since you seem to be interested in farming your story also reminded me of a saying that I once heard.

"All men are not created equal, only the finest become farmers.

Laura Carson said...

Mara - I tried eharmony and definitely was not ewwwed out. However, it wasn't for me. They kept matching me up with dudes who wanted to be missionaries and move to Uganda.

Paula - totally dodged a bullet methinks. Whew.

Rachel - it *is* funny. :)

Anonymous - I sure hope that's right (that the best one become farmers). :)