Saturday, January 29, 2011

Date? Isn't that a fruit?

A few weeks ago I posted Online Dating Decoded . The story behind that is that one day I was bored, and thought I might enjoy surfing around on It turns out you can look for free, but you have to make a profile. So I made a profile, and entertained myself looking at profiles. Then... then these guys started emailing me. It turns out that I have this nosiness problem. I could not bear the thought of not being able to read the emails. I think, too, that my nosiness problem is fairly well known. I don't want to tell anyone really what I know, I just like to know, and see.

So I signed up. I now, after two months of chatting on the phone and by email, have a first date.

What do people even DO on a first date anymore??? I mean, seriously? It's been ten years since I've had a first date with someone that I didn't already know pretty well. My first date with CR (remember him?) was "hey, why don't you come see my farm". Plus he already knew I had tons o dogs and was a little crazy. My first date with my ex-husband was sort of a "hey, we're already hanging out after this ball game lets go get food" sort of deal and I'd known him since I was 7 or 8. Well, then there was this first date with this cute sort of neighbor dude that was a total bust, but we already knew each other pretty well. Suffice it to say that he loves himself a lot.

I digress. So the issue at hand is, what in the samhill do people do on dates these days? I know, I need an emergency out. Who wants to sign up to be my emergency out? Then again, once he sees the CrazyMobile he might just drive away in a swirl of dust and barely concealed disgust (not to mention terror). doG forbid he stick his head in my car. Yep, that's why today, just in case, I've been vacuuming out my car. Most women would be getting manicures and shaving their legs before a date, and what am I doing? Vacuuming out crates and uh... taking in the towels that the crate full of chickens had been on.

What on earth am I going to wear? Well, I have two choices - farm clothes or work clothes. I don't have sexy going-on-a-first-date clothes. I'll never forget balling my eyes out the night before my wedding because I didn't have any sexy honeymoon panties. I'm afraid my situation hasn't changed much. I hope I still have some good manners left. After years of eating alone most of the time I hope I still know how to chew with my mouth closed. Besides, what DO people who don't do dogs and livestock talk about? This guy doesn't have either, though he does occasionally take his Mom's dog home for a sleepover. That's redeeming, right?

So we shall see. This dating thing is hard. Even the whole getting-to-know-you thing is hard. I hope I'm not all wilted and past my dating expiration date.

Ohmygosh, I hope I don't get to talking about taking sheep to the butcher, or the whole thinking about Julie and I killing chickens escapade.

Maybe I'll play it
safe and talk about... uh... football. Or... uh... maybe I'll get lucky and he'll talk a lot. I tend to babble when I get nervous, like the first time I had to take my boss for a ride.

But on the upside, my crates smell bleachy-fresh.

1 comment:

Jen in SLO said...

You'll be awesome because you are awesome! :) I can't wait for the blog post telling us all about the first date.