Monday, December 28, 2009

Road Rage Redux

Evidently somewhere along the line in the last few weeks I made this blog post and never published it. Oopsie! This might just be rantings of a mad woman (er, uh, as if any of my posts are anything but) but reading after the fact I found it amusing. Here it is:

Road Rage

It's hard to road rage someone when that someone is a cop in front of you sitting through the green left turn arrow. Doesn't he know that the green arrow only stays green for approximately five seconds? Doesn't he know it's stupid hard to turn on the green yield at this particular stop light? So, what, I'm reduced to sitting back there fluttering my hands and just HOPING he'll look up since I'm sure as spitting not going to honk my horn at a cop? Who beeps their horn at a cop? Not me in my way-past-due-for-inspection minivan. But really, he's standing between me and "The Baconator". That's two gigantor beef patties and enough bacon to send me into cardiac arrest with one bite. He wants to get between me and THAT? Not advisable.

Is road rage a verb? I don't think so, but it should be. I will admit that road-raging someone isn't terribly effective when you're driving a mini-van full of dog crates. It surely takes some of the sting out of it. Well, then there's the fact that the CrazyMobile doesn't have much get up and go - and it's hard to tailgate when you can't keep up. Oh, but I can cuss them out in their rear-view mirror like it's nobody's business. Then there's the fact that I don't speed. This is, of course, is an obstacle to be overcome in the act of road raging. But I win extra road-rage points for intent.

Just like sheep can read the dog's intent, so should other drivers on the road get MY intent. It's hot, mad, angry, and more than a little crazy. If I could keep up I'd kick their bad-driver behinds. But for those two seconds at the stoplight I'm all UP in their tail pipes. For those two seconds I'm a badass. That's those moments right before I push the gas pedal and the engine just rattles a little louder.


Emma Rose said...

You are right - that WAS funny :)
LOL! You go get 'em girl!

Robin French said...

You crack me up!

Anonymous said...

I heard recently that honking at other drivers to alert them to a green light is illegal in WA state. Go figure.


Julie Poudrier said...

I don't think WA state is the only place where that's a law. I seem to remember reading something about that when taking a driver's course in VA (IIRC).