Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Food Rules (according to the Mad Spaghetti Noodle Lady)

I have lots of rules when it comes to food. I like many different things, and am willing to try most things, but there are certain rules that must be followed. Here is a sampling:

1. No food is to be eaten before or while drinking coffee. Once food happens coffee is over - there is no going back. Food is NEVER to be combined with coffee. I don't like for anything to interfere with my coffee experience. Coffee is never to be drunk with dessert - this would interfere with both the coffee experience AND the dessert experience. I know this goes against conventional wisdom, but I just cannot help it.

2. Eggs are to never have runny yolks. Eggs are to never even have yolks that might SUGGEST some form of runniness. Ever. Ew.

3. Breakfast food may be eaten any time of the day. However, dinner foods (such as pizza and fried chicken) may not EVER be eaten for breakfast.

4. Foods that are supposed to be eaten hot may never be eaten cold (ie no cold pizza... no cold fried chicken - see #3). This also applies to coffee.

5. Water goes down best for me when drunk at room temperature. No brain freezes allowed.

6. Candy bars MUST be intact before eating. You just never know who might have been fondling your candy bar at the store. It's perfectly OK to break it up yourself though.

7. Food should not touch. If by some tragedy food DOES touch, it may be allowed as long as neither food is runny. Some dipping sauces fall into the touching rule, others do not. Steak sauce does, ranch dressing does not.

8. Exception to the not touching rule: certain foods may be DIPPED in other foods. For example: roast beef is perfectly acceptable when dipped in one's mashed potatoes. However, it would be unacceptable to fully mix the two. Ew.

9. Everything is better with bacon. Additionally, there is no such thing as too much bacon. Ever.

10. Grits are to be eaten with salt and butter only. No exceptions.

11. Steak sauce is banned. See # 7. So is barbecue sauce, except on ribs.

12. PB&J is an exception to the touching rule. However, the PB and the J should be applied to separate pieces of bread and then put together - NEVER mixed beforehand. Same with PB & Banana.

I'd be interested to see if anyone else has food rules. :) I know I'm not the ONLY freak.

10 comments:

Robin French said...

I'm glad you're blogging again, you always crack me up!

Laura Carson said...

My latest motto: If you can't be good then at least be entertaining. LOL!

DeltaBluez Tess said...

Diane's food rules

1. Getty (husband) cooks
2. If Getty doesn't cook, then Diane cooks.

Joan said...

Laura, you are really funny. My daughter and I are sitting here after a long hard day grooming and we are just cracking up! Thanks for the stress reliever!

Paula said...

#2 and #5-Word.

I am not with you on the steak and BBQ sauce. I love those. I also love ketchup. And mustard. And hot sauce. Wait, I love all condiments except for mayo. Far as I'm concerned, fries are just a vehicle for ketchup.

Never mind, I'm all off track now, and I can't think of any rules.

Laura Carson said...

Paula, LOL, for what it's worth I completely followed that. :)

Julie Poudrier said...

My rule: Food must be eaten. I like to keep things simple.

fulltiltbcs said...

Skittles/M&M's etc must be grouped by color before being eaten. You can't eat the different colors together...it is blasphamy :)

Paula said...

I like Julie's rule.

Rachel said...

Here is my food rule...and I know you have missed it...

If it isn't Heinz ketchup then it isn't ketchup at all! And one can never have too much Heinz ketchup on any food items...this includes eggs, but I agree...not runny yolks!