Thursday, November 18, 2010

You want me to do WHAT?

I sit approximately seven feet from the copier. One of the managers came over a few minutes ago, stood BETWEEN me and the copier, and said, "Can you please make a copy of this for me?".


I got up, and responded, "Would you like to stand here and wait while I do this?" He nodded. I then said, "Would you like to come stand NEXT to the copier while I copy for you?" to which he replied, "I guess I could copy it myself but I'd probably mess it up". Yeah buddy, you probably would. You're ancient, a bumbler, and a bigot. What does the bigotry have to do with the ancientness? Nothing, it's just an observation. I gave him "the Eyebrow". I'll admit that the Eyebrow was relatively ineffective since I'm wearing my glasses at the moment. But I gave it to him anyway. I don't think he noticed.

Two weeks ago my shining moment in my new job was that my boss LET me go buy a gift for him to give at a baby shower. Keep in mind, however, that I was required to go to the baby shower in his stead. Did I mention how much I hate baby showers? Hate. Major hate. Baby showers rank right up there with bridal showers, weddings, funerals, and company parties. Oh yeah, I'm really moving up the corporate ladder. Watch out bottom feeders, soon I'll be taking over your position.

Two weeks ago my boss also LET me go get his car washed for him. Again. This was also a shining moment. This is what my work-life has become. Yay me.

For a while I coped with donuts. That upset my stomach. Then for a while I coped with copious amounts of wine. THAT upset my stomach. This week I'm resorting to shopping. This is also upsetting my stomach, but more like a vague acid thing as opposed to complete faucet-ass. Next week I plan to employ a new coping mechanism but I haven't picked it out yet. Maybe I'll go with something slightly less self destructive like enjoying my own witty banter and self-indulgence by blogging. It might upset my readers' stomachs, but maybe I'll feel a little better.


Joan said...

This is why I became self employed. I couldn't stand being the gofer at the company I worked for. I hope you opt for the blogging cope. Your posts are really funny. Maybe you could try stand up comedy as an occupation. the people treat you bad there and you just put them in your act.

Carolyn West said...

Today my effing boss quoted some scripture to me. No lie. I left work yesterday and sobbed in my car for 15 mins before I could drive out of the parking garage and go home. I feel your pain sista.

Laura Carson said...

Joan, that's so sweet - thank you! I've actually briefly considered the stand-up thing. Unfortunately I get so cracked up by my own stories that I tend to snort and blow snot bubbles (or get my giggle box so turned over I can't talk) and I'm thinking that would be a turn off. hehehe

Carolyn, I'm so sorry. I don't even have words. You want I should kick the boss's arse? I'm into arse kicking lately and would be happy to add one to the list. :)

Carolyn West said...

Yes, please kick the shite out of her arse. Preferably when she's wearing her special purple velour track suit and looking like Barney. Or when she's wearing her green overalls. Which are too small.

Paula said...

Oh, man. That sucks. I can't believe that there are people like that still out there. Seriously, make a copy while I stand here? And don't get me started on the shopping, or showers. Dude.

Good luck with next week's coping mechanism. For my own selfish reasons, I hope it's more blogging, too!

Laura Carson said...

This particular guy is retiring in a month. He is the type that calls me to ask help on all kinds of things - and while I appreciate his confidence sometimes I'm like... dude... call the help desk. That's what they do. They fix these problems.

PS - Carolyn...velour track suit? I'm shuddering at the mere thought!