Food Rules (according to the Mad Spaghetti Noodle Lady)

I have lots of rules when it comes to food. I like many different things, and am willing to try most things, but there are certain rules that must be followed. Here is a sampling:

1. No food is to be eaten before or while drinking coffee. Once food happens coffee is over - there is no going back. Food is NEVER to be combined with coffee. I don't like for anything to interfere with my coffee experience. Coffee is never to be drunk with dessert - this would interfere with both the coffee experience AND the dessert experience. I know this goes against conventional wisdom, but I just cannot help it.

2. Eggs are to never have runny yolks. Eggs are to never even have yolks that might SUGGEST some form of runniness. Ever. Ew.

3. Breakfast food may be eaten any time of the day. However, dinner foods (such as pizza and fried chicken) may not EVER be eaten for breakfast.

4. Foods that are supposed to be eaten hot may never be eaten cold (ie no cold pizza... no cold fried chicken - see #3). This also applies to coffee.

5. Water goes down best for me when drunk at room temperature. No brain freezes allowed.

6. Candy bars MUST be intact before eating. You just never know who might have been fondling your candy bar at the store. It's perfectly OK to break it up yourself though.

7. Food should not touch. If by some tragedy food DOES touch, it may be allowed as long as neither food is runny. Some dipping sauces fall into the touching rule, others do not. Steak sauce does, ranch dressing does not.

8. Exception to the not touching rule: certain foods may be DIPPED in other foods. For example: roast beef is perfectly acceptable when dipped in one's mashed potatoes. However, it would be unacceptable to fully mix the two. Ew.

9. Everything is better with bacon. Additionally, there is no such thing as too much bacon. Ever.

10. Grits are to be eaten with salt and butter only. No exceptions.

11. Steak sauce is banned. See # 7. So is barbecue sauce, except on ribs.

12. PB&J is an exception to the touching rule. However, the PB and the J should be applied to separate pieces of bread and then put together - NEVER mixed beforehand. Same with PB & Banana.

I'd be interested to see if anyone else has food rules. :) I know I'm not the ONLY freak.

25 Things I've Learned My First Year in Open

25 Things I've learned my first year trialing a sheepdog in Open (in no particular order):

1. You lose some... and you lose some.
2. One must pay their dues. Many times. It is fair.
3. It's a long way to go to just trial one dog in Open. Where? Anywhere. Anywhere is a long way to go to run just one dog.
4. Campers are good.
5. I wish I could afford one. But I gotz no money.
6. Tents suck.
7. Tents are better than nothing. They suck less than having nothing to sleep in.
8. Whistles are good. It helps to keep the whistle in your mouth.
9. Handler's dinners ROCK. It's a nice departure from PB&J. See #5
10. If I shuddup I can learn from the real handlers there.
11. Rain, in a tent, sucks. See #4
12. Your first open dog will pull lots of stunts designed for ultimate humiliation.
a. Crossing over at your feet
b. Not finding the sheep
c. Getting stuck on the exhaust
d. Blowing you off all the way down the fetch
e. Refusing flanks... and then missing the panels cuz the handler insisted *cough*
f. Looking goofy (Ok, so the long-legged Noodle cannot help this!)
13. Once you get past the point of major explosive trainwrecks but haven't yet achieved true greatness (for the most part) people don't really pay that much attention to your runs. Whew.
14. The first time you actually place in Open is worthy of a tear or two. So is the first major humiliation.
15. The first real shed at a trial, on the fly, with no points off is a very exciting moment.
16. Don't leave the post until you're called off, but temper that with an eye towards good sportsmanship and leave when you should. Learn the difference.
17. Give yourself a tiny break when you're new.
18. Tiny little personal sized porta-potties to go in tents make the tent experience suck a little less. But see #6.
19. Porta potties that spring a leak in your tent suck.
20. People put a lot of hard work, heart, and soul into putting on a trial. Be Grateful.
21. Watch your sheep.
22. Set your dog up right - and make sure the dog actually SEES the sheep before you send it.
23. Laugh a lot.
24. Trialing with friends is fun. Having no friends to hang with sucks. Get more friends. Be nice.
25. I love my dogs - and what a testament it is that we can do this together.

Just One Recent (mis)Adventure of Mad Spaghetti

Back several weeks ago I was headed out to a trial (Highland Occasional SDT, I think, at Donald McCaig's). I had packed almost everything up in the van when I remembered I needed to put something else in there. I went up to the sliding door, and pulled the handle. Nothing happened. I mean, nothing. I locked and unlocked the doors, and pulled again. Nothing happened. I pulled. Nothing. I pulled again. NOTHING.

Hm. Maybe I should pull harder, I thought to myself.

I pulled harder. Nothing. I reared back and YANKED.

Suddenly I found myself arse over teakettle rolling backwards through the front yard, door handle in my hand. I jumped up (that's what adrenaline will do for you - normally I have to grumble and groan and use something to pull myself up) and brushed off my behind. I looked around to ascertain that nobody was around to see this. Whew.

I walked up to the van to see that I had pulled the entire door handle off of the van - and it had even warped the metal where it came out.

So what did I do? I called my Mom. "Mom, you're not going to believe this. I just pulled the door handle off of the Van!" Somehow she believed it. "How did you manage that?", she asked.

Uh, I'm an idiot? I said, "I have no idea. I really didn't even pull it that hard."

Yeah, right.

Conversations with a NoodleHead

This past weekend at the Rural Hill SDT:

Me: You are going to go around those horses.
Noodle: No, I am not.
Me: Yes, you are!
Noodle: NO, I am NOT.
Me: OH YES YOU ARE!
Noodle: NO, I AM NOT!!!!!!!

This is followed by a duck inside of the horse to jigger the sheep off sideways, followed by covering… followed by:

Me: LIE DOWN!!! LIE DOWN!!! LIE DOWN!!! (side note: all lie downs are given in Linc-worthy voice of doom)
Noodle aka PunkBoy: *doggie finger*
Me: LIE DOWN YOU LISTEN LIE DOWN LIE DOWN
PunkBoy: la la la la la la la can’t hear you la la la la la
Me: LIE DOWN DO YOU HEAR ME YOU BETTER LIE DOWN
Me: *raises stick* (side note: this is guaranteed to make him actually run away)
PunkBoy: *raises doggie finger* la la la la can't hear you cuz I'm bringing the sheep la la la la

The sheep eventually get to my feet, and he eventually takes his fingers out of his ears.

Me: You better listen to me when I’m talking to you. Do you hear me?

Punkboy: Oh, Hi! I didn’t realize that you were here! Did you see how far I went and how far I had to bring them? And didn’t they arrive in spectacular fashion?

Follow Up Conversation

So "I cannot copy for myself' called me again to say, "Do I mail things myself, or do you do it for me?" I responded, "Typically people here mail things for themselves, so yes, you would do it". The conversation progressed a little like this:

Old Guy: I have an envelope and these signed letters, so now what do I do? I know, I'll fold them up and put them in the envelope

Me: Have you addressed the envelope?

Old Guy: No.

Me: Ok. So you need to start by addressing the envelope. If you don't address it then it won't get very far.

Old Guy: Ok. Then what?

Me: You then put the letters in it, seal it up, and take it to the guys who put the postage on it. They'll then put the postage on it, and it'll go out.

At this point I could literally FEEL him wanting me to do it for him. Had he asked I would have, but I'm just not going to play this sort of passive aggressive game.

So, Old Guy, mail your own letter. This is just not that difficult.

You want me to do WHAT?

I sit approximately seven feet from the copier. One of the managers came over a few minutes ago, stood BETWEEN me and the copier, and said, "Can you please make a copy of this for me?".

Seriously?

I got up, and responded, "Would you like to stand here and wait while I do this?" He nodded. I then said, "Would you like to come stand NEXT to the copier while I copy for you?" to which he replied, "I guess I could copy it myself but I'd probably mess it up". Yeah buddy, you probably would. You're ancient, a bumbler, and a bigot. What does the bigotry have to do with the ancientness? Nothing, it's just an observation. I gave him "the Eyebrow". I'll admit that the Eyebrow was relatively ineffective since I'm wearing my glasses at the moment. But I gave it to him anyway. I don't think he noticed.

Two weeks ago my shining moment in my new job was that my boss LET me go buy a gift for him to give at a baby shower. Keep in mind, however, that I was required to go to the baby shower in his stead. Did I mention how much I hate baby showers? Hate. Major hate. Baby showers rank right up there with bridal showers, weddings, funerals, and company parties. Oh yeah, I'm really moving up the corporate ladder. Watch out bottom feeders, soon I'll be taking over your position.

Two weeks ago my boss also LET me go get his car washed for him. Again. This was also a shining moment. This is what my work-life has become. Yay me.

For a while I coped with donuts. That upset my stomach. Then for a while I coped with copious amounts of wine. THAT upset my stomach. This week I'm resorting to shopping. This is also upsetting my stomach, but more like a vague acid thing as opposed to complete faucet-ass. Next week I plan to employ a new coping mechanism but I haven't picked it out yet. Maybe I'll go with something slightly less self destructive like enjoying my own witty banter and self-indulgence by blogging. It might upset my readers' stomachs, but maybe I'll feel a little better.

The Blog of Silence

I don't think I've ever been accused of being silent, or even remotely in the neighborhood of silent. However, I have been I suppose when it comes to blogs and boards and emails and such lately. I think that I might be getting back on the horse, though. I seem to have lost my funny for a while, but I've found it. Trust me - I'll tell you all about the Turd in the Sleeping Bag later. But not tonight. Tonight.... cue Mighty Mouse music....

Who can it be?
It looks like a loose cannon! It moves like one too.

Oh wait. Is it a wolf?

No! It is Linc! Wait, what is he doing? Oh yeah, he's....

...bringing the sheep. He's lying down. He's actually finishing a Pro-Novice trial course.

Good dog Linc.

Like I said, I have some brags on the boys, but I'm exhausted after two weekends of trialing (the most I've done in a while). Updates to follow this weekend when I get my brain back. However, suffice it to say that both Nick and Linc are making me very proud. Photos taken by Nancy Starkey.

Unsilence.

Circle BR SDT Recap

I think I could do an entire post about rain, hail, air mattresses (human taco #2 anyone?) and then tents that leak. I won't - you guys get the idea. As usual Ben and Emily were so hospitable, and just a whole lot of fun. The field is gorgeous - terraced, and beautiful.

Day #1 in Open we ran about middle of the day. We'd been delayed for fog for an hour and a half, and it was pretty hot by the time we ran. I was having images in my head of last year in Ranch when it took three redirects to get Nick to the top, but this time he just went. He lifted the sheep really nice, took his down, and then proceeded to just bring the sheep down the middle of the field without more than a whistle or two from me. We were perhaps not as precise as the judge might have liked (lost 4 pts on our fetch) but it was so nice. He continued that on the drive away, and I think I blew one whistle at him after I set it up.

We had some squiggles - took a really wide turn at the drive away panels, but got it back online. Then... I misjudged the crossdrive panel. They went around high, and by the time I figured it out it was too late. We got into the shedding ring and it was the last two on the head. We settled the sheep and strung them out, I flanked Nick a couple of steps and called him into about a 1' gap. As I was calling him in I thought, "OMG, what have I done???!?!?" but he came in - and we lost nothing on our shed or pen. I feel like I could ride for YEARS on that shed - it felt fabulous.

We were on the leader board for a while after that. Lame as I am I took a picture. I'm not sure where we ended up - my guesstimate is somewhere around 15th or 16th.

Here... lame-o picture:

Open Day#2 we ran three from last - around 4pm. It was hot, and I knew after a long season of being off he'd struggle. He ran out SO nice - landed deep and easy, and lost nothing on his outrun or lift. Nice fetch, and then it all went to heck in a hand basket. From that point on it was a matter of containment. I think we got a mercy point each on our drive, pen, and shed. We never did get them in the pen as I sent him for water and we still couldn't get them settled.

But he gave me everything he had. He was trying desperately to figure out how to handle them, and even though nothing we did seemed to help he gave it all. What a good boy he is.

Monday... ProNovice... Linc. Nice enough outrun (a tad flat and short, but didn't lose but 1 and 1). After a few steps though (no lie down in sight) one sheep broke back to the set out. I retired rather than have a rodeo. Then we had the rodeo. It was a zoo - he wouldn't stop, blew through the sheep, one fell down (uh... he helped it a bit) all of this after the judge asked me to turn the sheep back to the single. LOL! I tried to grab him and accidentally whacked him with my stick - and then had visions of people saying I was trying to beat my dog on the field. Nothing like a little paranoia to finish out one's weekend, right?

After that Nick and I exhausted the rest of the P/N class. Nick would like for everyone to know that the only job in the world that compares to pushing sheep out of the pens is EXHAUSTING. He has hung a sign on his crate that reads, "Will exhaust for food. Or not. Just will exhaust."


We had a good time. This coming weekend we're working at Robin's trial, and then two weeks after that we're going to Roy and Debbie's. Beyond that I don't know, but we are certainly having fun.

(top photo by Robin French)

The Crazies Ride Again

Finally.  After what feels like forever the Crazies and I are headed out to a trial this weekend at Dr. Ben Ousley's place in Lawndale, NC.  I'm pretty excited to be getting the dogs out again, and they always love to just... go.  I'm running Nick in Open, and Linc in ProNovice.  As much as I hate that it's Linc's Nursery year and he's missing it, the truth is he's JUST not ready.  Anyway, I'm looking SO forward to getting out and seeing everyone, and just getting away from home for a few days.

 

It has been a week of challenges though.  The CrazyMobile's starter went out on me this week.  I rolled 220K miles recently, and with every bit that passes I worry about how long she'll hold up.  Plus, I have gotten nothing done in preparation for leaving.  NOTHING.  That's like double extra zero.  The plan (yeah, whatever) was to leave around noon tomorrow and more or less caravan over with Julie.  Well... I will get home from work tonight around 6pm.  At that point I still have to do laundry, mow, vacuum, grocery shop, pack, load the van, water my garden, get gas and get going.  This is assuming I make it to Target at lunch to pick up some things I need there.  If that doesn't happen I'll have to add THAT to my list too.  I just don't see how it's all going to happen by lunch time tomorrow.

 

Did I mention that I have been a grump of the first order?  If I were to have some sort of re-naming ceremony I'd be "Grumpimous Maximous".  Imagine going through the rest of your life with a name like that.  Picture an evil PMSey version of a Sleestak.  Yup, that's me.  Lets see... in the last 24 hours I've managed to inadvertently upset a friend, send my dogs hiding, and then somehow managed to walk off and leave my coffee at home this morning - thus contributing to my feelings of ill will.  I feel like a deranged fishwife with bed head on the inside.  But hey, today is cheerful bright green shirt day!  At least outwardly I'm exuding daylight and daisies.  Maybe according to the power of positive thinking my bright green cheerful shirt will make me feel better.  Oh wait, osmosis.  Or whatever. 

 

In all seriousness, though, for the sake of my dogs I'm going to just get over it.  I've just got to get my groove back is all.  I've lost my going trialing mojo.  My train has derailed with this extended time off, so I just have to get back on the tracks.  It's going to be a FUN weekend, with good friends.  See you all there!  I'll be the one with the bed head on the inside.

I Have a Problem

I have a problem. I have a crate problem and they say that the first step is admitting it, so here I am admitting it. I have six dogs and 21 crates. Yes, that is two-one crates. 21. My Stepmom accused me of being a hoarder the other day when Moon came to stay permanently. I was pretty offended and off put by this (and declined Easter at their house) but while I'm certainly no dog hoarder I might just be a crate hoarder.

In my defense part of the problem is that when I started with the dogs I liked the wire crates. Somewhere along the line I realized that my dogs prefer plastic crates, and started the transition while not exactly getting rid of the wire crates. Ok, not getting rid of them at all. <insert singsong voice here> I've got crates in the van, crates in the living room, crates in the office, crates in the bedroom, crates in the dog room... and even crates at a friend's house. I've sold a few crates along the way, and even gave one to my ex-husband to go with my ex-bordercolliemixdogBree. But it's sort of like sitting there staring at a candy machine. I know I don't need it but I WANT it. Oh yes, I realize I sound like I'm about five years old.

Anyway, here's why this is an urgent problem at this exact moment - I just got an email from dog.com and guess what? They have free shipping on selected dog crates for a limited time. I am seriously jonesing here. Some women collect shoes. I collect crates. Here's the thing: I have a new dog. Doesn't she deserve her very own new plastic crate? Not only that, but it's exceptionally useful to have many crates for when other dogs come over to stay - and for when other dogs come ride in the StinkMobile.

Maybe if I went to Pet Supplies Plus and just smelled the dog crates it would help. I could just open and close their little doors and maybe arrange and rearrange them in the store. That would be ALMOST like having a new one myself, without the cost. So what if one of my dogs got in there? They'd never notice (the people who work there).

In some ways my crate problem is a little bit like my book problem. I just... love them and need them. Besides. FREE SHIPPING!!! Who can say no to free shipping? I'm going to try to talk myself out of it, because really the money could be better spent on Advantix and Glyco-Flex III. But man. Free shipping on crates.